I made a rule about a year ago that I would not take a pregnancy test until I was at least a week late because excitement of testing and subsequent disappointment of having a negative result was too emotionally devastating. I broke the rule last night because I was supposed to go out for drinks with some friends in a post-celebration of my husband and my recent birthdays. I had taken Clomid during the beginning of the month, but my gynaecologist told me that she didn't think it address my undiagnosed infertility issue as I menstruated regularly. I decided to try it anyway because the prescription is relatively inexpensive with my insurance.
I peed in a cup, stuck the pregnancy test in, waited for the usual single sad line that usually appeared. I had done this sad dance before, so I anticipated the tearful disappointment that would follow. I figured I would just drown my sorrow that night with a couple (maybe several) drinks.
At first, my fears were confirmed, and I decided to take a shower and begin getting ready - there is no point torturing myself. When I got out again, I saw another faint line had appeared next to it. I immediately dropped three more test in the cup. Faint positive lines appeared before my disbelieving eyes after a few minutes. I couldn't help myself then - I sat down on the toilet and sobbed. I'm going to be a mom.
After a year and a half of trying, my body is now a shared space: I'm pregnant!